Jealousy

I know that I am extremely fortunate in life, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a jealous person. When I see someone who I don’t like get something that I want I get jealous. I don’t act on my jealousy and I rarely show my true feelings, but they’re in the back of my head taunting me. It sounds horrible to admit, but when I see a girl who is obnoxious or five hundred pounds I often think “how the hell did she get a boyfriend and I can’t even get a date!” Surely I can’t be the only person who has a mean little voice in the back of their head that is more judgmental than anyone would expect. But lately I’ve began to think about why I get jealous so easily. Well, here’s what I came up with.

Example 1.) Recently I was watching some sorority girls at my school perform a show. Seeing how everyone just gave them their undivided attention and the guys just gawked at them really made me realize something. I’m not mad at them for being seemingly perfect, I’m just jealous that I will NEVER be anything like that. No, I don’t want to be some skinny little blond who enjoys sitting in front of the school cafeteria sun bathing in a tiny bikini… but I would like to experience having that confidence for just one day of my life, and I know that will never happen.

Example 2.) The guy I’ve been staring at for the past few months recently got a girlfriend. I wish I could hate them, but I can’t because they make a much better couple than I could ever hope for. But, I realized that my jealousy didn’t stem from the fact that I wanted him and she got him. While he’s cute and nice, there are plenty of other guys out there. I was simply jealous that the same thing that always happens happened again. The other girl got the guy and I was left realizing I had no chance to begin with. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that I will NEVER get the guy when it has happened every single time I’ve ever liked someone! It just leaves you feeling hopeless.

It’s hard to focus on what’s going right in your life when you can’t help but compare yourself with others all the time. I guess that’s something I need to work on in the future… or right now.

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