An Itch

I have an itch, and not the kind you get from a rash or mosquito bite. And definitely not the kind on a certain commercial which I will not name, for those of you with a dirty mind. I have an itch to do something. Something big.

            My life has been boring and stagnant lately. Although, I tend to feel like this about every three months. I usually just die my hair with temporary hair dye. Cause I’m a chicken. I rarely do anything daring. And on that rare occasion that I do actually do something daring, it is only actually daring to me and no one else would think twice about doing. Like joining the pep band at the start of my freshman year in college. To me, that was HUGE. I felt like I’d just gone sky diving. But to anyone else they would have just been like “I really want to join the pep band, so I’m going to join it. No big deal.” But, like I said, I’m a chicken. So little things seem like great feats to me.

            Lately I haven’t even done anything semi-kind-of daring. Not even in my book. And today I found myself sitting at home alone wanting to do something, but not knowing what I want to do. Although I do know that what I want to do is not something I can find at my house. I’ve been sitting here all summer kind of trying to get in shape, and kind of trying to write a book, and kind of trying to clean my room. But in actuality I’m not really accomplishing anything.

            Earlier I was watching an episode of Glee (cause I’m a dork and it’s kind of awesome) and one of the characters said this: “the only life worth living is one that you’re really passionate about”. Wow, I know I’m cheesy, but that’s a great quote! Actually I might write it down and tape it to the wall above my bed. It kind of struck a chord with me though, because I totally think this is a great mantra to live by, but I’m not living this way at all. I’m not passionate about anything right now. Well, I’m passionate about school, and writing, and my future. But those aren’t really all that tangible right now, except maybe writing, but I can’t sit around all day everyday writing. I really want to be passionate about something. All I can think about though is traveling and seeing the world and volunteering in faraway lands. But that all takes money, and I’m flat broke.

            So I guess this blog isn’t really going anywhere, I didn’t really come to any conclusions. I know what I’ve known for a long time: I’m bored with my life and I don’t know how to change it. Sure, once I go back to school I won’t be as bored, and I’ll be happy simply to be out of this little town again. But that’s just a temporary solution. When classes slow down or I don’t have homework or plans with pep band or friends I’m going to get bored again. And next summer hopefully I’ll get an awesome job, but chances are pretty high that I will still be bored. I guess I’ll just see what happens and look for an opportunity to leap into something that I can really be passionate and daring about.


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