I go back to school for my sophomore year of college in just two weeks. I’m super excited! I feel like school is where I belong. I don’t really fit in at my hometown, and honestly I don’t even have any friends here. I’m really excited to see my new roommate, who has been my best friend since we started hanging out last year. And I’m excited for a new year of pep band, and new classes with new people, and hanging out in the cafeteria laughing with friends, and going to the free movie on Friday night, and study groups in the library before finals. There is a lot to be excited about, but what I’ve been day dreaming about most is a guy, of course.
Chances are I won’t even see him very often. He’s going to be in Greek housing across campus and I don’t think we will have any classes together. But that doesn’t keep me from day dreaming. I have notoriously bad luck with guys, meaning that I have no luck with them whatsoever. I’ve never even been asked out. Somehow, despite all this, I’m still a dreamer. I kind of wish I wasn’t, because I just get my hopes up and nothing ever happens. I wish I didn’t sit around thinking about his strawberry blond curls and bright blue eyes. And I really wish I didn’t imagine actually having a good conversation with him. Because it’s not going to happen. I’ve talked to him before, and even had descent conversations, but he was just being friendly because he’s a friendly guy and I happened to run into him a lot last year. But I won’t be running into him anymore, so I might just get a friendly “hi” or a smile and then that will fizzle out to nothing and we’ll just act like strangers.
I really wish something would happen between us, but I know it won’t. I know this because I know the only way something would happen is if I make a move, and I know I won’t make a move. Last year I did the boldest thing I’ve ever done for a guy and I offered to drive him to the airport before Thanksgiving vacation. But he canceled last-minute, and that was the end of that. I’m too afraid of rejection to make a move or even hint that I like him. I really wish I could just be one of the girls who walks up to guys and asks them out, but instead I’m a shy mouse.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I just wish I could be a different person sometimes. And I wish for once my day dreams would come true. I’m sick of being a dreamer and not a doer.