I have this ever-increasing feeling that my life is all just a cruel joke. Ok, I know I have it pretty good, but I also seem to have a tendency of being left out in the rain. I’ve felt like an outside my entire life. I’ve never been able to find a group where I feel that I truly belong.
I thought I might tonight, but I left feeling like I’ve been cheated. I went to the first official meeting of my college’s new English club. Everyone was very friendly and I’m excited for the upcoming events and meetings. I really think that I will make new friends through the club. But the thing is, everyone there seemed to already know each other.
I think I know how this happened, but I have to go back to the beginning. When I started school here I went to orientation, like everyone else. And I had an orientation group, like everyone else. I didn’t realize this at the time, but the groups were based on our declared major. This also determined our student advisor and faculty advisor. The only difference was that my group and my advisors seemed to just be picked at random. I had the most hodgepodge mix of majors in my group, from exploratory to English to pre-pharmacy to business and who knows what else. My student advisor was an international relations major and my faculty advisor was from the history department.
I didn’t know that my orientation experience was different from anyone else’s until half way through my first year, and then I didn’t think it mattered. But tonight I realized that these people probably all met at orientation and then when they saw each other in class that fall they probably became friends. Another thing that has contributed to my lack of knowing anyone I should know is the fact that I haven’t taken many English classes. While I am 100% committed to English, I thought that it would be smart to get most of my GE’s done early on. This also means that I don’t know the English professors very well, so I’m having trouble finding a new faculty advisor. It has occurred to me that everyone else is really close with their faculty advisors, especially among the English majors, and I’m not close to mine at all and I need to find a new one.
It just seems like this is the story of my life repeating over and over again. Even among a group of outsiders I feel left out. On the bright side (cause I know I’m a bit of a downer), I guess it’s not too late to become an insider.