I once again find myself at 12:30am torturing myself. I should be getting ready for bed or doing the reading that’s due tomorrow which I haven’t started. But no, I’m on Facebook forcing myself to semi-stalk the new girlfriend of the guy I’ve had a secret crush on for … ten years!!! I’m a lunatic. How the hell can you like someone for that long when you know they have no interest in you! Of course, I care a little less now that we’re all in college and I may never see him again. I don’t plan on keeping in contact with more than like three people from my high school. I would like to pretend that high school never happened, except the last two months because that was actually fun. They make the end fun so you trick yourself into thinking you liked it. And then when you’re in college trying to decide what to do with your life you start thinking “I could teach high school English. It wasn’t that bad.” And then you pause and remember that you never want to go back there… ever. And it’s not like I had the worst high school experience ever. I wasn’t bullied and people were generally nice to me. But I barely spoke for the first two years, and some people actually thought I was a mute. It’s kind of hard to come back from that. And who wants to be friends with someone who is so shy they don’t talk? No one, that’s who.
Anyway, I was looking at this guy’s Facebook, and it seems like he and his new girlfriend are so freakin’ happy together it makes me want to vomit. I’m not one of those girls who’s like “well if I can’t have him I hope they’re happy together” Yeah right! I hope she’s awful so he suddenly thinks “gosh I would be so much happier if I’d just ended up with Alice. But it’s too late now. I really missed out on a great thing.” Of course, the likelihood of that happening is equal to the likelihood of my hands catching on fire while I write this. I don’t know the exact probability of that, but I’m guessing it’s a pretty slim chance.
So, after a while I find myself thinking “gosh, he could do better that this! Why is he with her?” And then I realize I’m a horrible person. Oh Facebook, how you torment me.