I really have a lot of stuff I need to catch up on this weekend! I’m only one week into my spring semester and I’ve already got reading to catch up on and notes I need to rewrite. My room is also perpetually messy and I need to catch up on sleep. But I’m getting the strange feeling that things are catching up with me, much more than I am catching up with things. I suddenly feel very stressed and homesick. I’ve only been back at school for a week, but I really miss my family (although I will admit this to no one).
I went through a lot with my family while I was home for break. Half of our house was crushed by a massive tree while we were inside, and we were all so lucky to get out unharmed. But we were all shaken and scared and left feeling very vulnerable. We then lived together in a motel for three weeks. It was a very strange situation, and it’s left me feeling strange. I’ve always been a paranoid person and a worrier, but it’s gotten worse. I had a horrible nightmare last night in which my little brother was killed. It seemed so real that I found myself thinking “why can’t this all just be a nightmare?” And then I woke up and started crying. I worried about my family all day, even though I know they’re fine. And I really want to go home, but then I remember that home isn’t what it once was. It’s now a motel room, and in a few days it will be a rental house, and in about a year it will be a rebuilt version of our home of fourteen years.
These are not things I gave much thought since the house was crushed and we were close to being crushed with it. I was just so happy we were all ok. But now that I’m back at college and away from my family and our destroyed house all these thoughts and worries are catching up with me. And I just keep thinking about how fast our whole world was flipped upside down, and how close we all were to death, and how that can happen at any moment of any day. It was sudden and unexpected, what if another sudden and unexpected event happens and we are not so lucky. I just want to know my family is safe, but I now know that the world is too unpredictable to ever know that for certain.