For some reason I’ve been hearing this sentence far too often: “If you had a few drinks maybe you wouldn’t be so uptight”. There are many things that I am: shy, quiet, unapproachable, reserved, cautious, nervous, etc. But I would not call myself uptight. I laugh at pretty much any joke, I smile when people are talking, I’m open minded, I can spend hours watching cheesy YouTube videos. When I think of someone who is uptight I think of a stuffy man in a business suit who acts like he’s annoyed to be wherever he is and is uninterested in anyone other than himself. So I decided that it might be a good idea to look up the actual definition of “uptight”, and I guess I have to admit that I was kind of wrong.
According to dictionary.com uptight can mean three things:
1) tense, nervous, or jittery
2) annoyed or angry
3) stiffly conventional in manner or attitudes
Ok, maybe I am uptight after all, but only by the first definition. And people call me “uptight” like it’s something I can just change like the flip of a switch. I can’t just make myself all of a sudden not be a nervous, jittery person. It’s just my nature. And I don’t want to get drunk just to change who I am. If people don’t like me they don’t have to hang out with me.
This is not to say, however, that as a twenty year old with very little drinking experience I don’t think about it or want it. Because I do, a lot. But if/when I drink I don’t want to do it because people think I should or because I want to fit in, I want to do it simply because I want to. I don’t like being a nervous person, but that’s how I am and I need to deal with it, not just cover it up with alcohol. Because I can’t walk around drunk all the time, and I can’t only be comfortable when I’m drinking. I’m not going to live my life that way.