Funny Professor Quotes

It’s only two weeks into the semester and I’m already sleep deprived and stressed. And I also already have a bunch of hilarious quotes from my crazy professors. At this rate, this is going to be one hell of a semester. Here, for your enjoyment, are some of the ridiculous things my professors have said so far:

“We’re going to start in Hell, work our way through Hell, and end in Hell.” My world literature professor giving an overview of the books we will read this semester.

“I told you about the Nuns right? Well, they beat the shit out of us…” That was just the start of his story.

“I should put sex at the top of the list.” “Heroic, epic, sex.” Trying to list the main aspects of The Odyssey.

“Where’s my chalk?” There are no chalk boards on our classroom, only white boards, much to the consternation of our professor.

“Keep that in mind this weekend: it’s all fun and games till someone falls off the roof… and goes to Hell.” Odyssey reference again.

“I want to go to the underworld with you.” No thanks professor.

My Shakespeare professor walks in on the first day of class wearing four-inch high blue suede platform heels. She walks into the room, her Wonder Woman backpack slung over one shoulder, and says loudly to the class, “How the hell are ya?”

Halfway through class she looks up while reading aloud and stops suddenly, mid sentence, and looks at me and says “Hi Alice! I just noticed you!” I had a class with her two years ago and thought for sure she wouldn’t remember me.

“She sheds like a … shag carpet” Describing her new puppy. You’d think an English professor could come up with a better simile.

Later, he was telling us about a study that showed that students who use laptops in class get lower grades and those who are sitting so that they can see someone else’s laptop screen also get lower grades: “So if you’re really competitive, sit in the front row… with a computer strapped to your back.”

I’m taking a class in which we must create a blog and place ads on our blog. We were all pretty excited about the idea of making a little money, till our professor said, “Don’t get excited, you won’t have enough money to buy a new…<long pause>… sandwich. Maybe a slice of meat though.” (Here is the link to my new blog: but don’t worry, I’m going to continue with the blog as well)

So there you go, and those were just the ones I remembered to write down. I should have another batch by the end of the semester.