Do you ever have those days where you keep doing things you shouldn’t be doing and you just keep thinking “what am I doing with my life”, but you just keep doing the same thing over and over even though it’s not making you feel good anymore? Well, I’m having one of those days.
So, instead of refreshing my Tumblr dashboard and checking my emails again, I’m going to turn on some music and blog about it. I’m not sure if that’s really any better, but I can already tell that my fingers have missed typing and it feels better than mindless scrolling.
I graduate in ten days, which I’m so excited about, but I’m just not happy. And I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just end of the semester stress, or maybe it’s because I don’t want to leave. Maybe I’m getting mad at all of my friends and frustrated with everything because that will make it easier to leave. I don’t want to do that.
I want to be brave and face everything head-first, even if that means more pain later. The future is fast-approaching, and I couldn’t run from it even if I wanted to – and maybe that is what I want. I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but reverting back to an angsty teenager is not an option.
I need to get my happy back, and I think that might just entail closing my internet browser and getting to work on my final essays. My typical reaction to the blues is a pint of ice cream and a night (or several nights) of complete immersion into the never-ending vortex that is YouTube, Tumblr, and Facebook. But I’ve tried that, and it’s not helping anymore.
I have ten days left as a college student, so I might as well enjoy my last ten days of essay writing. The internet will be there when it’s all over, and I’m sure that not long after these ten days pass I will be blogging about the blues again. But being sad because something so special and amazing has come to an end is so much better than being sad while you should be enjoying those last days of such a special and amazing experience.