another summer job… another co-worker crush

I thought I would have learned my lesson after the fiasco last summer with the janitor. In a nutshell: I had a crush on him but didn’t know him that well and then we went to the movies and I realized I really didn’t like him at all but he suddenly liked me a whole lot more. Luckily I only had a week left at work, but it was an awkward week.

This year I’m working with someone I went to high school with. The one main difference in the situation is that I feel like I know this guy much better than I ever knew the janitor. But still, I guess I don’t know him all that well. But I’ve known him for a long time and I feel like I have a better idea of who he is than I did of the other guy.

I liked him when we worked together a few years ago and I’ve been trying to keep the crushing at bay for the past month. When it comes to crushing, I can get pretty hard-core. So, I’m trying to avoid that. But I can’t deny that I like him… a lot. Every day I like him more. My favorite days at work are the ones when I’m standing next to him.

I really kind of hate myself for being so cheesy. It would all be easier if I just thought of him as a friend. Because nothing is going to happen. It’s just not. But, boy, do I have an active imagination.

And no matter how realistic I try to be, a tiny corner of my brain always pipes up and tells me it’s possible. It’s the same part that tells me that I can do anything and be anything that I want. It’s that same part that tells me that one day I will be a published writer. But it cannot be trusted. I’ve always secretly been a dreamer. But I’m just going to end up sad once again when nothing happens.

But nothing has happened for my entire life. Odds are, something has to happen eventually. Right? It’s just simple statistics. Maybe that something could happen this summer? I’m waiting… I feel like I’ve been waiting since I was fourteen. I want the waiting to be over so badly, but I’ve been expecting it to end for just as long. And clearly the odds are not in my favor.

Either way, crushing on a co-worker seems like such a bad idea. But sometimes it feels so good. In the end, I’ll probably regret it. But for now, I’ll enjoy the butterflies in my stomach and the smile I can’t keep down when he’s around me.

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