I’m Going For A Jog! … Is This What Death Feels Like?

Don’t you wish you were one of those people who enjoyed torturous things like cleaning house or exercising? The human brain is a bit flawed. We crave chocolate, salt, butter. We find joy in getting drunk, taking naps, and watching stupid cat videos on YouTube. Wouldn’t it be just lovely if our heart’s desire was to workout, file taxes, and eat Brussels sprouts from sunrise to sunset?

I’ve spent the past three days doing all things lazy – sleeping till noon, Dr Who marathons, and only leaving the house to rent movies from the library – and I decided that it was time to get out of bed and do something productive. After two hours of battling with myself I tentatively stepped out of the house in my startlingly short pink shorts and sports bra (with a shirt over the top of course, cause I don’t roll like that).

I haven’t explored the area around my house much – er, at all – so I thought I would just jog up in this area that looked like suburbs. But every road that I jogged up was a dead-end. It didn’t really matter, I still ran around – probably looking like an idiot because that’s how I look when I jog. (By the way, isn’t that kind of a metaphor for life? Even if we keep hitting dead-ends and looking like an idiot, we can still better ourselves if we just keep going.)

I felt fine until I started towards my house and decided to walk the rest of the way. Now I remember why I hate jogging so much. It’s not because I look stupid, it’s not because my boobs flop around haphazardly, it’s not even because my nose starts running like I’m a toddler with a cold. It’s because when I stop I feel like I’m going to die.

A bit dramatic, I know. And of course, I’ve never died before, so I’ll never know till it’s too late. But it freakin’ sucks. If I start jogging regularly and get into good shape the shortness of breath, aching muscles, shaky legs, cramps, and nausea will surely go away. But I can’t even start an essay more than twenty-four hours before it’s due, how am I supposed to start working out two months before I want to look good in a bikini?

And now we’re back to human nature. Those of us who should be exercising the most suffer the most when we do, and those who are already in great shape enjoy exercising. Ridiculous! Weight loss is simple: eat healthy and exercise. Pretty much everyone understands this. But humans rarely do what’s best for us. Even people who have the whole exercising thing down usually make “bad decisions” in other ways (they binge drink, or gamble, or can’t keep a job, or fall for the wrong mate, etc.). No one is perfect, even though we pretty much all know what we would do if we were perfect. I know that I should have gotten up at 8am, worked out for an hour, gone to the library, written an essay, did laundry, and eaten healthy all day. I’m perfectly capable of doing all of that within a day, but I cannot even imagine being that productive when I don’t absolutely have to be. My essays aren’t due till next week, no one will be seeing me in a bathing suit for a few months, and my laundry can wait a few more days. So I procrastinate till the last possible minute, which is fine for essay writing, not so fine for weight loss.

I heard a fantastic quote on my Dr Who marathon the other day: “Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today”. Maybe this isn’t going to be my new mantra, but I can at least ask myself what I can do today to make myself proud. I’m not going to write my essay – I’ve never finished an essay more than eight hours before it’s due and I’m not starting now! – but maybe I’ll go to the library and get some research done. Plus, I really should do laundry; I’ve been putting it off for two weeks already. And hey, let’s not forget that I already went for a jog and posted a blog!