Jealousy

I know that I am extremely fortunate in life, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a jealous person. When I see someone who I don’t like get something that I want I get jealous. I don’t act on my jealousy and I rarely show my true feelings, but they’re in the back of my head taunting me. It sounds horrible to admit, but when I see a girl who is obnoxious or five hundred pounds I often think “how the hell did she get a boyfriend and I can’t even get a date!” Surely I can’t be the only person who has a mean little voice in the back of their head that is more judgmental than anyone would expect. But lately I’ve began to think about why I get jealous so easily. Well, here’s what I came up with.

Example 1.) Recently I was watching some sorority girls at my school perform a show. Seeing how everyone just gave them their undivided attention and the guys just gawked at them really made me realize something. I’m not mad at them for being seemingly perfect, I’m just jealous that I will NEVER be anything like that. No, I don’t want to be some skinny little blond who enjoys sitting in front of the school cafeteria sun bathing in a tiny bikini… but I would like to experience having that confidence for just one day of my life, and I know that will never happen.

Example 2.) The guy I’ve been staring at for the past few months recently got a girlfriend. I wish I could hate them, but I can’t because they make a much better couple than I could ever hope for. But, I realized that my jealousy didn’t stem from the fact that I wanted him and she got him. While he’s cute and nice, there are plenty of other guys out there. I was simply jealous that the same thing that always happens happened again. The other girl got the guy and I was left realizing I had no chance to begin with. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that I will NEVER get the guy when it has happened every single time I’ve ever liked someone! It just leaves you feeling hopeless.

It’s hard to focus on what’s going right in your life when you can’t help but compare yourself with others all the time. I guess that’s something I need to work on in the future… or right now.

2 Things I’ve Recently Learned

Since starting college seven months ago, I’ve come to realize two very important things:

1.) Life is an adventure. The past year has assured me of this fact more than ever. I’ve come to realize that adventure can be found everywhere and anywhere. Whether you’re moving away from home or just having dinner with good friends, you never know where life is going to take you. This past year I’ve experienced my last day of high school, my first day of college, finding my best friend, making mistakes, taking chances, mountains of homework, an amazing spring break, finding where I belong, and finding myself. I love myself and my life more than ever before. And I know the journey and the adventure is only just begining.

2.) Life is all about decisions. Whether good or bad, right or wrong, smart or stupid, my choices will shape my life and memories. I don’t plan on or hope to always make the right decision, because what is right is not always best. Lately I’ve had an itch to try something new, do something different, be crazy for just a while. I don’t know where life is taking me, but I’m along for the ride. So, it’s time I start living courageously. I’ve changed a whole lot over the past year, but there’s more to come. Life is a continuous cycle of change, and I’m so ready for it! =)

5 Facts

5 Random Facts About Me

1) I’m very paranoid. I can’t sleep with my closet door open because I imagine that someone is hiding in there staring at me. When I turn the lights off to go to bed I have to glance over the room quickly to be sure there aren’t any murderers or vampires hiding out.

2) I don’t like big cities. Tall buildings scare me, I always imagine them falling down or I imagine falling out of the window. Cities tend to have lots of people, and lots of crazy people. Large groups of people freak me out, and crazy people freak me out.

3) I love animals. I job shadowed a vet for about a month, I learned that I could never be a vet. But if I someday become wealthy I hope to open up a no kill animal shelter. I can’t talk about dogs and cats without mentioning what I consider to be a huge problem in the US and many other parts of the world. 70% of cats and 50% of dogs in pounds and shelters are euthanised (I remember this fact from when I wrote my senior paper, but I don’t remember where I got the info). This is so disturbing because it is completely preventable. Please spay and neuter your pets and never purchase from a pet store or breeder. There are plenty or good pets in shelters just waiting to be adopted into a loving family. Sorry for the rant, but this is an issue that I care deeply about.

4) I’m trying to learn piano. This semester I’m taking a beginning piano class, and it is a billion times harder than I thought it would be. I’ve played the clarinet since fourth grade, so I thought that it wouldn’t be too hard to learn since I already know how to read music. I’m having a lot of trouble with it. It doesn’t help that going to the practice rooms on campus is extremely intimidating because we have an amazing music program. Walking down the practice room hall reminds me of a horror movie, the hall is so long it seems to never end and the beautiful but creepy piano and violin noises coming from all angles create a setting that would be perfect for a scene with a bloody maniac chasing a screaming girl.

5) I want to go to Australia. When I was little I watched the 2000 summer Olympics in Sydney on TV and I’ve been obsessed ever since. My favorite animal is the kangaroo and there is no landmark I would rather see more than the Sydney Bridge and Opera House. I hope to go there one day, but until then I’ll just keep dreaming.

Hello there world!

Well, hello there! First off, let me explain why I decided to start a blog. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately for a class research project, mainly Peace Corps blogs. I was really interested by them and have even begun to read them in my spare time, I seriously think I may be going crazy. I’m sure that my life will probably never be as interesting as a Peace Corps volunteer’s life, but maybe someone will find it interesting. In all honesty, I’m not even sure if anyone is going to read this… If there is someone reading this then Yay! If not, no biggie. I’m doing this mainly as a learning experience. My life goal, career wise, is to become a published author. Which is why I am currently an English major (by the way, I know I don’t have perfect grammar). I thought that keeping a blog might be a good chance to see how people respond to my writing and I would love to share my writing with the world. I plan on making some of my blogs fiction and some about my actual life.

Second off, I’ll explain a bit about myself. I’m currently a college freshman at a small college in California. I’m basically your typical nerd… except different. I like math, but only when I actually get the problems right, which isn’t all that often. I love to read, but the books I like to read are mainly aimed at fourteen year old girls. I never skip class and I always do my homework. I’m immature, but not in the usual ways. I call my mom every single day, I’m addicted to YouTube and Facebook, I’ve never been on a date… ever, I don’t party/drink/do drugs, and my room is an absolute mess. I also happen to be extremely uncoordinated, so sports never worked out well. The one thing that I truly love doing and that I am actually semi-good at is writing. 

Well, there’s my first ever blog! If anyone out there in this whole big world is reading this I hope you have a fantastic day or night! Comments and constructive criticism is always welcome. Thanks for reading!